Think about how you act in different situations. For example, at work are you one person and at home someone completely different? When you are with your parents or other authority figures do you behave differently again, perhaps like a compliant child or an obstinate rebel? Are you the outgoing leader with some friends and the passive follower with others? Like the famous Dr. Jekyll, on some days are you the perfect mate or parent and on other days the diabolical Mr. Hyde? Do you sometimes wonder, "Why did I do that?" Do you find yourself joyful one moment and in the depths of sadness in the next with no idea of why you experience such intense fluctuations? In Psychosynthesis we call the people you become in these different situations subpersonalities. In other words, you assume a different identity in each situation, often without even being aware of it.
Unfortunately, the beliefs, thoughts, feelings and expectations that motivate our behavior when we are "in" one of these subpersonalities are often unconscious and unexamined and can be completely different for each subpersonality. This leads to splitting and internal conflict between the different parts of ourselves and we seem to be in a state of war with ourselves and others. These subpersonalities have formed as a result of early experience and probably served us well in our attempt to survive and even prosper in our families and culture. However, in adulthood they often reflect our adaptation to what and how others wanted us to be and do not reflect our true nature nor are they effective in the world we now inhabit. In fact, they may be quite destructive and counterproductive.
Although this is not a healthy or happy existence, in our culture it is "normal." Many of us live in a trance as we follow the dictates of these parts of ourselves that do not reflect our basic nature or our deeper desire to live in harmony within ourselves and with others. While in this trance we can experience addictions, compulsions, poor interpersonal relationships and a general unhappiness that can appear as depression, anxiety or as other psychological symptoms. Psychosynthesis is a process that carefully opens the doors to the unconscious realms and shines a light on the dark secrets that keep us prisoners of our past. As we examine the genesis of these subpersonalities and discern which aspects of each subpersonality are congruent with our true nature and which are not, it becomes possible to reconstruct ourselves in harmony with our true selves so that we can become whole people who interact in a healthy manner with both the world around us and the world within.
We all come into this world potentially whole. By this I mean that we have the possibility of living out a destiny that is congruent with the gifts that reflect our own unique being. If you are comfortable with a spiritual perspective, you might conceptualize this as following your soul's journey. If you are not comfortable with this approach, you might look at this way of being as living in harmony with your own intrinsic nature or even your own genetic code.
If you have observed very young children you probably have noticed how unique each child is, even shortly after birth. Some are very wary and observant of the world around them and others are virtually oblivious to their environment. You may have noticed that some are "people oriented" and some are "object oriented." As a parent, it was a shock to me that this uniqueness surfaced very early in my children and seemed totally independent of and resistant to environmental factors. One would wake if a pin dropped and the other would not be awakened by a train barreling through the front room. One has always been fascinated by ideas and the other by concrete problems to be solved. Effective parents see these unique traits and abilities in their children and engage in mirroring their children. In other words, they see that their children have certain abilities and dispositions and they actively recognize and foster, or at least accept, these aspects. When this happens we say that there is an empathic response from the parent to the child's authentic self. This does not mean we cannot set limits or teach our children good social skills. It just means that good parents have a basic respect for who the child is as they engage in the difficult process of preparing children for adult life.
Unfortunately, most of us do not experience perfect parenting nor are we perfect parents ourselves. When, as children, our abilities and feelings are not recognized or actually are demeaned or punished and we are dismissed, shamed or otherwise experience an empathic failure, we learn very quickly what is acceptable and what is not. For a child, rejection by a parent is terrifying and, in the child's mind, can be experienced as life threatening. In Psychosynthesis we call this the fear of nonbeing. As a response to this and other fears we develop subpersonalities that help us cope with the world around us and insure our survival. This is why we call these adaptations survival subpersonalities.
A common example is the subpersonality of "The Pleaser." If parents only mirror and shine on their child when he or she is compliant and helpful and meets the parents' expectations, the child may develop a subpersonality that as an adult requires the person to be helpful and giving in order to feel any self worth. The person may also experience an inability to form boundaries, say "no" or know what he or she actually wants in life. Another child might respond to this expectation by developing "The Rebel," whose identity and self esteem is dependent upon constantly being in opposition to authority and others'expectations. In fact, both of these subpersonalities could exist in one person. The important factor here is that we, as adults, often are not aware of the unconscious motivations and feelings behind the behavior we exhibit when we are "in" these subpersonalities.
Each subpersonality has its own way of interacting consciously with the world but there are two unconscious aspects of each that are very important. The painful, shaming experiences of childhood are pushed out of our conscious awareness and into what we call the lower unconscious. Outside of our awareness, these unconscious memories and experiences often drive the behavior we exhibit when we are acting out of that subpersonality. In fact, at its most extreme, the main goal of the subpersonality is to avoid all feelings and memories that resurface in situations that resemble the original wounding experience and, in the mind of the inner child, activate the threat of nonbeing. On the other hand, those gifts and unique aspects of our being that were not accepted and for which we were shamed are also repressed into what we call the higher unconscious. In this realm such denigrated characteristics as intuition, sensitivity, creativity and artistic ability may reside completely hidden.
The initial work of Psychosynthesis involves examining each of the subpersonalities while delving into the repressed unconscious experiences that led to their creation. The process of uncovering the painful experiences as well as our true gifts can be lengthy and intense but very rewarding as we discover the motivation behind outmoded, destructive and maladaptive behavior, thoughts and feelings contained in the farther reaches of the subpersonalities.
As we examine how the subpersonalities were formed, how they have evolved into adult subpersonalities, how they form alliances between each other and how they experience conflict with each other we see that some aspects of each subpersonality may be helpful to us in our journey to wholeness and happiness. It also becomes clear that other aspects, useful in surviving our youthful fears, are no longer helpful, limit our ability to function and are downright destructive.
Most importantly, we want to integrate the positive aspects of each subpersonality into our everyday life. This process is called synthesis. We want to synthesize the many subpersonalities into one whole personality which, although it may behave differently in different situations, always reflects the true wholeness of the person we really are and helps us to reach our individual destiny. Our behavior becomes a product of conscious thought and feeling rather than being driven by unconscious shame and guilt and the avoidance of nonbeing. We refer to this ultimate state as functioning from the authentic self.
As memories surface and the unconscious material becomes conscious, a sense of "I" begins to evolve. In other words, an observer that is independent of childhood or cultural conditioning begins to surface and we begin to see who we really are, how we actually experienced early life and how we want to live life now, in harmony with but not bound by the expectations of others. As Psychosynthesis progresses, it becomes clear that the "I" is a reflection of a deeper aspect of you, your self. The self is the ultimate expression of who you are and, if you have a spiritual approach to life, a representation of your soul. If you are not comfortable with this concept, think of the self as the totality of all of your potential and experiences which possesses the innate knowledge of exactly how you should lead your life.
In Psychosynthesis we speak of the will, which provides the impetus for our behavior. The will of the survival personality drives you to respond to life in a way that avoids re-experiencing the wounding of your childhood and the fear of nonbeing. As we age, these responses become less and less satisfying and eventually become counterproductive. Their ineffectiveness and the unhappiness that accompanies them is often the reason we end up in psychotherapy. The "I" has its own will and as it becomes stronger during the process of Psychosynthesis, it is able to direct your behavior in a way that is more congruent with your nature than the dictates of survival personalities. Ultimately, you may experience the will of the self which can appear as a calling or a motivation to action that you cannot possibly ignore regardless of how foolish it may seem to others.
As the "I" strengthens and the self becomes clearer, it becomes possible to disidentify from each subpersonality. In other words, we can still inhabit the subpersonality but the behavior we associate with the subpersonality is now serving the healthy needs of the self rather than keeping unconscious fears at bay. For example, one may begin to parent in a way that serves the needs and healthy authentic development of your children rather than serving your own primitive need to feel safe by being in control or serving the need for your children's culturally sanctioned accomplishments to augment your own self image. You may begin to do your job in a way that makes the most sense to you and allows you accomplish more than when you were working primarily for the approval and adulation of your coworkers and superiors. On the other hand, you may find that as the need for the approval of others wanes you feel a desperate need to explore a career that reflects your basic nature and not the expectation of parents, spouses or the culture in general. Be warned that such major transformations, although personally healthy, can be very disturbing to the others in your life. This is not a process to be taken lightly.
Although dredging up the past and recovering memories and feelings that are painful can be very unpleasant, the freedom from unconscious control allows one to fully function in the present without the need for validation from others or the need to meet unrealistic expectations of yourself and others contained within the unconscious areas of unexamined subpersonalities. It becomes possible for you to be a happy, satisfied and whole person just being who you really are.
I have been asked, "Isn't this all about me? Is this not a selfish, self absorbed and narcissistic process in which I am involved?" My experience has been quite the opposite. When we are operating from the needs of survival subpersonalities, our motivation is unconscious, driven by unrealistic demands and fundamentally designed to keep us safe from our fear of nonbeing. We behave with hidden agendas (often hidden from ourselves), we blame others, project our feelings and motivations onto others and are generally unhappy whenever the world doesn't live up to our expectations. Living from the self allows us to moderate the need for external validation, relate to others in an authentic, altruistic and empathic manner and to be fundamentally satisfied and happy with life. This is the beauty of Psychosynthesis, a path to self acceptance and harmony in both the internal and external world.